My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
