very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You ruined the universe
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
