you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
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I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
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I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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