He uses pillows to masturbate.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
