He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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