Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
