Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
