If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
