we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
