You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize