Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
