So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
