discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
