between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
