Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Randomize
