I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize