Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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