woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
