Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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