did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
