I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
