i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
