I miss vodka workout Fridays
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
