Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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