Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
