HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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