The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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