Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Two words: blizzard sex
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
