I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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