need another drink. this is the easiest way
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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