I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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