We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
