Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
