Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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