Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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