i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
