She told me I should be a condom model.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
