He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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