let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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