; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
