Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
