How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
