I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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