it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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