WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
