but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
