Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
