peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
