i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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