Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
