I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
