four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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