i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
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