guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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