Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
