I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
