Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
