I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
