dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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