its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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