PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
