So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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