dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
