smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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