she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Send help, water and tortillas.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
