i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
