New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
