I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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