So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
