don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
