Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
