I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
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nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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