I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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