you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I could make wine with my vomit
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
