we have officially mastered the walk of shame
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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