The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
