I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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