Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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