Girls should come with a carfax report
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I need moral support for this bender
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
