You can't special order awesome
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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