you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
