no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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