she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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